Analyzing style and tone and complete a rewrite
Part 1: Analyse
Let’s do some analyse. Take a look at the memo. Analyse its style and tone.
Answer the following in your analyse:
• How does the writer come across?
• What action does the writer expect from the reader?
• Is the writer using passive or active voice?
Part 2: Rewrite
Rewrite the below memo.
(Some tips to keep in mind for your rewrite: Do you think the tone the writer is displaying is appropriate for this type of message? Does the writer start by stating their purpose and do they end by providing their audience a takeaway? What is the writer asking and is this made clear? Is the grammar correct? Hint, hint, first sentence may be a run-on, try to make it more concise.)
To: Zoe Watts, Personnel Manager
From: William Butterworth, Health and Safety Manager
Date: November 12, 2019
Subject: Application of Ergonomic Principles to Computer Workstations
Use the attached booklet entitled Guide for Computer Workstation Ergonomics and send this to all senior managers and purchasing agents who may influence the purchase and installation of computer equipment in Bigco urging them to pay attention to the following aspects: selection, purchase, and installation of this type of equipment in the future. Your suggestions as to the most appropriate procedure and list of recipients are required.
In the course of implementing the Health Service program for monitoring the visual and other health-related complaints or personnel working at the computer stations in Bigco, issues have become evident and they need to be addressed. I guess there cant be an overnight remedy to these problems, unfortunalty. Improvement and conversion of this equipment will cost tens of thousands of dollars. The need for future change is becoming widely recognized and it is important that Bigco keeps pace with equipment changes. Much could be done in the interim to improve the currently established workstations.
A. He come across this situation because he want to know about the working condition at the place and wants to improve the better work performance of the place Bigco by using the principles of egronomics.
B. The writer expect that the reader should provide all the details of procurement procedure of computer workstation. And, how many vendors supply that particular item at what rate with complete description. Even the writer want to know that how computer are required and in which department mean actually where it is going to get installed and who is going to use it.
C. Sentences with passive voice
• Your suggestions as to the most appropriate procedure and lists of recipients are required
50% of the sentences are in passage are written in passive voice.
Auxiliary verb phrases are shown in bold italics, while the transitive action verb is shown in bold
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